I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
