i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
