Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
