When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
