I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
