he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
