you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
