Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
