just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
