Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
