At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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