I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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