This is not my ceiling
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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