i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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