I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
