they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do vagina's smell?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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