so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He? As in you personified your dick?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
