Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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