just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
