I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
