i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
