She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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