she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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