Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im drinking this country out of the recession.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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