I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
