Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
