I have demons in me.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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