His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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