Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
