Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
