Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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