If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
