Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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