You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
