is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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