No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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