to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
