I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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