Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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