I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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