She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
