Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
