Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
