I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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