I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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