fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
did you just send me my own nude
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