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• (206): View more from Washington

  remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?

  (206): View more from Washington

  neither do i

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?

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• (806): View more from Texas

  apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs

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• (909): View more from California

  Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.

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• (805): View more from California

  Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.

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• (805): View more from California

  I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.

  (310): View more from California

  When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.

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• (845): View more from New York

  "He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  You can be responsible and still be on that ho life

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand

  (240): View more from Maryland

  you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.

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