Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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