we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
