Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
God, I missed his penis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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