Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
