Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
